September 7th, 1994 at 6:37 PM I was brought into this world, a little bit too early, by Caesarian section. (Sorry Mom. I was upside down and caught in your rib cage, my bad.) Well, I was six weeks too early. Who would’ve thought, looking at me today that I was born prematurely? Probably no one. Weighing 6 pounds, and 8 ounces, with not a hair on my head, and an orange little body, my life in the real world began.
The real world. Everyone says when you go to college, or maybe after you graduate there, you are entering “the real world.” But let’s be honest, we’ve been living in it since the first moment we emerged from…well…you know.
So, here I am, 19 quick years later. I have been through all of grade school. I have graduated high school. I have a wonderful boyfriend of almost three years. I have lived in New York City on my own. I’m in college.
Of course, my life can not be summed up by those few events. And nor could it ever, even on my last day, there is so much more to a person than their accomplishments and the events and rites of passage they have participated in during their time on Earth.
You know, I used to think I had it all figured out. In middle school, I just wanted to be popular, to be pretty, and have friends, and maybe be able to talk to boys without scaring them away with my 110th percentile height. (It gets better, my fellow tall ladies.)
Then came high school, and I thought, well, now I have it all figured out. I was first the athlete, with a plan to work hard in my sports and go to college via my abilities. I was the tom boy.
Then came Sophomore and Junior year. I was angsty. I was bitter. I wanted out. The whole thing was overrated and my school was a facist hell hole that I begged my parents to get me out of. I had it figured out, no one else could ever understand me. I sat outside Ear-X-Tacy with my friends every weekend for as long as I could get my parents to allow me. Those people ended being some of the most important in my life, to this day. Without this time, I never would have met most of my best friends, or my boyfriend.
Then came Senior year. Arguably one of the greatest times in my life. I actually began to figure it all out. Like. Really. I made friends (some of the greatest people in my life came from this time, especially 6 of them, who know exactly who they are), I became more social. Life had more meaning and school and work and everything was fun. I knew the balance I needed to maintain in life in order to be happy.
Then I left for New York. Euphoria. Let me tell you, living in the modeling industry taught me more things than I could begin to explain in this post. It turned my world around. Suddenly. I had nothing. Nothing figured out. My confidence disappeared, but sometimes I was on top of the world. I was in this world full of fame and fortune and fast paced living, it was wonderful and intimidating all together every single day. This rocked my world as I knew it; I gained a brand new, much more adult perspective on life. I was forced very quickly to grow up and went from high schooler to full blown adult in a few weeks. Suddenly, I was financially responsible for myself, I was working daily, and juggling everything that went along with my line of work. I saw things that were so shocking, making my Christian school girl head spin. I was forced to be my own person, learning how to be alone, and how to get through some of the most difficult situations in my life.
This past year has been the most eventful year of my life. It has taught me more about life than school ever did. I went through the hardest moments in my life, not just due to modeling, but also with my family, relationship, and self. It’s been a roller coaster.
Sometimes I have to remind myself. I’m only 18, er, uh, 19 (on Saturday.) I’ve always been a bit of an old soul anyways, but now I have to remind myself weekly that I have so much time. So much time.
God is good.
So here I am. Another year older. For the first time in a long time I really feel another year wiser as well. I’m still figuring out who I am, what I want, and where I plan to be. And that is so, so, so, okay.
I am excited to see what this year holds because I know it can only get more interesting, my life is truly an adventure and I finally feel fully in control of who I am and what I will do and be. Let me tell you, it’s one of the most beautiful feelings in the world, but also the most terrifying.
Well, I guess this is growing up.
So. Here are some pictures of me as a lil tot in celebration of my growing one year older this weekend.