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don’t you know what you have done to me
in the name of love
you picked your poison and didn’t share
now it’s time to charm ourselves back into sweaty sheets
and fingertips
and the curve of your back
and the sound of my voice
saying goodnight
only this time i am wishing differently,
no more goodbyes

i haven’t stopped by in a while
and it’s just that tonight, i feel reflective
where is my soul?
at least tomorrow is sunday.
maybe it’s that i have been listening to my bloody valentine all night
reading back on first words and remembering the depths i have risen from
or maybe it’s the feeling that the ocean pulls out of me
standing at the shoreline, mirroring the way i was standing next to you
in the very same time frame i saw blue eyes that were nothing short of mine
and yet at the same time, they never belonged to me
they never will
and maybe also it’s that i am so happy
so much happier than any other day i have written something down here
my life is full, still
and i do not mind the wait

but when i see the parallels, that is where it ends, and i hear the voice in my head begging me to write it down but i can’t because then it stops being mine and therefore the brilliance is lost, and i am just up at night hoping he is not the you that you will turn out to be

I should’ve known
but in the back of my mind I know why
The reason I hardly took any pictures
and why I never told my mom,
Thank God I didn’t tell them
it’s only harder to explain that way
I knew I still wasn’t ready to be someone’s
I knew that if he could do it then so could anyone else
I’m not sure I will ever understand the reason why this thing happens
I just let the scar on my back heal
and another sword stabbed right through
Worth it not for you, I’ll still survive
but I am so tired of being right
I am so tired of not being worth the fight

i want someone to touch me
in the way that i want to feel fingers tracing my skin
at 4 am
i want to feel hot sleepy breath on my neck
i want lips on mine
flexing of your arm underneath my hand
holding tight to each other in a crowd
and i want passion
i want to want someone
who wants me more than gravity wants to hold us down
i want to drive all night just to sleep on a chest with a beat that quickens when I move
who’s touch feels like electricity
who’s mouth sets me on fire
who’s gaze turns me into a kettle on the stove
boiling over just from the heat in your stare
i want hands hugging my waist
i want kisses littering the best and worst places
mostly i want the person 
then the touch
and the hold 
and the never let me go grasp
under the covers
warm and kind
a wake me up kind of love