20 things I have learned before I turned 20

20 things I have learned before I turned 20:

  1. No matter how many times a million other people tell you that you are beautiful, you will never find peace with yourself until you can fall in love with yourself at every stage of life. You must learn to accept yourself; bloated, thick, hungry, thin, alone, in love, and at every place in between. Only then will you find peace.
  2. The person who is the “one” for you, won’t make you feel like you aren’t a priority. Don’t let anyone treat you less than you deserve. If you stay with someone who doesn’t make you 100% happy, then there is no reason to stay. Love is a big deal.
  3. People ignore it, but you only date someone who you see a forever with. Or at least, you’re hoping for a future with them. No one starts a relationship without the hopes of being in it indefinitely, no one starts a relationship expecting an end. 
  4. Do not stay with someone who cheats on you. Do not settle. Do not stay with someone just because you have been with them for a long time or because you don’t want them to be with anyone else. Be selfish about it, you deserve the greatest love.
  5. You are allowed to be sad. You are allowed to wallow in self pity. The key is to not let it control you. Allow yourself that pint of ice cream, that sad movie, that hour with your face in a pillow, but then move forward. Life lived without happiness is not worth more than your need to heal.
  6. It is okay to stay in. It is okay that you don’t want to go to parties. It is okay that you want exactly what you want. Please don’t make decisions based on what the world wants for your life. 
  7. You can spend your entire life chasing people and things that are not meant for you. Learn to let go. The longer you wait, the harder it becomes.
  8. Self love is a journey. Journeys have bad days. And months. And sometimes, years. But it always gets better.
  9. Your parents are just as human as you are. Remember that as you grow older. Remember that when you are learning how to mature. Thank them.
  10. If you get too comfortable in life, it can hold you back from experiencing the greatest moments and times of your life. It’s not so hard to accomplish everything you’ve dreamt of. It’s all about faith. Never stop moving forward.
  11. Love always wins.
  12. If you can watch the sunset, do.
  13. It’s true that if you love someone, and start to fall for someone else, that the second one is the one you should choose. If the first one was right, you never would have seen the second.
  14. Do not lose your faith in God. It might fade and you might distance yourself from your religion, but you can always turn to His arms. It’s not weird to love God. 
  15. Passion is not always easily found. Some people walk right into theirs from high school, and if you don’t, it’s okay.
  16. You should tell them how you feel.
  17. Spend as much time outside as possible. It changes everything. 
  18. Don’t limit yourself. And definitely don’t let anyone else.
  19. Always, always, always be kind. Everyone has a thing that they struggle with. Life is beautiful but it has dark moments, don’t add to someone’s burden.
  20. When it feels like it’s over, I guarantee you, it’s just beginning. Not knowing is just part of the adventure.

/

don’t you know what you have done to me
in the name of love
you picked your poison and didn’t share
now it’s time to charm ourselves back into sweaty sheets
and fingertips
and the curve of your back
and the sound of my voice
saying goodnight
only this time i am wishing differently,
no more goodbyes

but when i see the parallels, that is where it ends, and i hear the voice in my head begging me to write it down but i can’t because then it stops being mine and therefore the brilliance is lost, and i am just up at night hoping he is not the you that you will turn out to be

I should’ve known
but in the back of my mind I know why
The reason I hardly took any pictures
and why I never told my mom,
Thank God I didn’t tell them
it’s only harder to explain that way
I knew I still wasn’t ready to be someone’s
I knew that if he could do it then so could anyone else
I’m not sure I will ever understand the reason why this thing happens
I just let the scar on my back heal
and another sword stabbed right through
Worth it not for you, I’ll still survive
but I am so tired of being right
I am so tired of not being worth the fight