i haven’t stopped by in a while
and it’s just that tonight, i feel reflective
where is my soul?
at least tomorrow is sunday.
maybe it’s that i have been listening to my bloody valentine all night
reading back on first words and remembering the depths i have risen from
or maybe it’s the feeling that the ocean pulls out of me
standing at the shoreline, mirroring the way i was standing next to you
in the very same time frame i saw blue eyes that were nothing short of mine
and yet at the same time, they never belonged to me
they never will
and maybe also it’s that i am so happy
so much happier than any other day i have written something down here
my life is full, still
and i do not mind the wait

but when i see the parallels, that is where it ends, and i hear the voice in my head begging me to write it down but i can’t because then it stops being mine and therefore the brilliance is lost, and i am just up at night hoping he is not the you that you will turn out to be

I should’ve known
but in the back of my mind I know why
The reason I hardly took any pictures
and why I never told my mom,
Thank God I didn’t tell them
it’s only harder to explain that way
I knew I still wasn’t ready to be someone’s
I knew that if he could do it then so could anyone else
I’m not sure I will ever understand the reason why this thing happens
I just let the scar on my back heal
and another sword stabbed right through
Worth it not for you, I’ll still survive
but I am so tired of being right
I am so tired of not being worth the fight

i want someone to touch me
in the way that i want to feel fingers tracing my skin
at 4 am
i want to feel hot sleepy breath on my neck
i want lips on mine
flexing of your arm underneath my hand
holding tight to each other in a crowd
and i want passion
i want to want someone
who wants me more than gravity wants to hold us down
i want to drive all night just to sleep on a chest with a beat that quickens when I move
who’s touch feels like electricity
who’s mouth sets me on fire
who’s gaze turns me into a kettle on the stove
boiling over just from the heat in your stare
i want hands hugging my waist
i want kisses littering the best and worst places
mostly i want the person 
then the touch
and the hold 
and the never let me go grasp
under the covers
warm and kind
a wake me up kind of love